He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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