I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Help. Why am I so naked?
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