i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
