I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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