Sponge bath it is.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
