someone owes me an orgasm
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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