I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize