i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize
