I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
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