I can't watch pbs sober anymore
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
