thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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