cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
