I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Randomize
