yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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