I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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