He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
