Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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