they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
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