do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
