Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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