It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Randomize
