new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
