If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I accidentally had phone sex last night
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Randomize
