I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
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