im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Randomize
