Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
