Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
the liver wants what the liver wants
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
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