does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
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