Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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