im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
