I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
