So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
