wrigley field is MILF paradise
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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