I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
vagina is talking i cant
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
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