Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize