Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
