Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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