I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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