it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
she smelled like a LAN party
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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