The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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