Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
