How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
