70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
