you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
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