Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
