went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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