haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I don't deserve a penis
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
