Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
