I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
