I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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