why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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