A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
