I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
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