He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
