If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I wish life had little blips of pornography
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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