Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
