But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
