finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Randomize
