I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
im on a boat
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