At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize
