Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
how do flat chested girls get laid?
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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