He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
