I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
