you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
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