I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Randomize
