One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
