anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
