I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I have fence marks all over my body
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
