That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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