i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Randomize
