Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
