dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Randomize
