Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
